I can’t believe it’s already been six weeks! These have been the longest, yet fastest days of my life. As I think back over the past 6 weeks, I am filled with gratitude, awe and the urge to shout from rooftops “I survived!” So, what have I learned?
I have learned that children are a great means to learn to “die to oneself” . The countless hours of no sleep, constant feeding, burping, diaper changing, holding and crying are enough to make one go crazy and sometimes a girl just wants 5 minutes to go to the bathroom without having a child scream the whole time! It’s in these moments, when I would really rather finish writing my blog post, that I realize just how selfish I am and how selfish Christ wasn’t. Christ never said “Hold on a minute God. I’ve got errands that I’m not finished running and friends I haven’t gotten to talk to in a while, so if you could just let me finish building that boat, then I will go love people.” Of all people, Jesus had the most reason to be selfish because he knew what was coming. He knew that he was literally sacrificing his life, dying on a cross, for people who spat on him and to this day deny him. My greatest sacrifice is a few hours of sleep and extended patience for the cutest, cuddliest thing ever. It pales in comparison to the sacrifice and love of Jesus Christ. So, I am learning to daily ask for grace and patience, borrowed from my Savior, that I might love and serve the precious little gift God has given me.
I have learned the value of community and gratitude. I have never been so grateful for community. I have been blessed to have amazing friends and family who have forsaken their time and their plans to come sit with me while I sob through my baby blues, hold my child so I can nap, bring me lunch so I can eat and even clean my house. I have never been so thankful for the church because they have really gathered around me to be the hands and feet of Jesus. They have done that which I cannot do, all the while telling me it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to rest and it’s okay to not have it all figured out. I have learned that the deepest gratitude goes beyond words.
I have learned (or rather just been strongly reminded) that God has blessed me with an amazing husband. He loves me and our little boy beyond description. He is a servant to us both regardless of his own exhaustion. He endured the crazy baby blues and the countless tears. During the gluten & dairy free phase he spent endless hours cooking and preparing “g & d free” meals for me. He doesn’t sleep through the nights while mom gets up every hour. Even in the breastfeeding stage, he would wake up and bring Eli to me. Now that we bottle-feed he has taken on the brave task of the night shift. He gets up with the little man any time he wakes up between midnight and 6 am so that I can sleep because he knows I have him the rest of the day. Even though our little man can frustrate him every 3AM, he still finds the little guy adorably cute the other 23 hours of the day. I am thankful for who he is and how he lives his life. I am constantly reminded that God is living and working in our lives and am thankful that my husband wants more than anything to know and love God more than he knows and loves me. I know that the only reason he loves me so well and can be so different from so many other men is because of the work Christ does in him.
I could go on for pages, but the most accurate synopsis of these six weeks is simple. I am truly blessed.
making it through six weeks IS a big deal, jamie!! yea for y'all! seriously. i can imagine how hard it's been; like twilight zone weird and hard, isn't it? i've been praying for you a lot...across the sanctuary...when i see you between duane's kneecaps. none of it gets "easy" exactly after this, but if you're like me, you'll look back and really think you just made it through one of the hardest times. so congratulations! celebrate a little :)
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