The Side Effects of Brain Loss (Temporary...Or So They Tell Me)

They call it pregnancy brain. I thought it was a myth or worse, just another symptom. Don't let your pre-pregnancy intelligence fool you. It's not just another symptom. It's an all-powerful, omniscient monster set out to slowly destroy your brain cells one forgetful moment at a time. Picture the infamous egg commercial: (Normal egg) This is your brain.  (Fried egg) This is your brain on drugs during pregnancy. If you aren't quite getting the picture yet,  let me give you just a few fun side effects of brain loss at a rapid rate:

• You go to the grocery store and you buy not one expired item, but a whole cart full. Your husband comes home to inform you that you have purchased not only expired bread, but also expired lettuce and a moldy not-so-fresh pineapple. To make matters worse, the cart full was from Costco so your mold is growing in bulk.

• You complete 108 accommodation testing forms for your job. You make copies  and mail them to the school testing coordinator and county-wide ESL office. You get an email telling you that your forgot to specify how many students in a room counts as a separate setting. Copies are mailed back to you. You re-do all 108 copies. (My calculator says that you have now filled out a total of 216 forms.) One week later. You get an email that opens with the following line: "I hear you are pregnant. I hope this does not send you into labor, but you have to re-do them again. You forgot to do a separate form for each test." You now must re-do all 108 forms a 3rd time, but each form may only list one test, so that triples the work. Doing the math at this point is just cruel and unusual punishment.

• You make your students hand copy a graphic organizer. After they finish, you realize you made copies of it the day before.

• You wake up exhausted and are so thankful that today is Saturday. Three hours later you realize it's Tuesday and you should be in 2nd block teaching. Just kidding. I haven't done that. Yet.

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things!

A little teacher humor for those of who us work in the wonderful world of high school:


Students without work b/c they "forgot" their glasses,
then they wonder why they repeat classes.
Bookbags with IPads, IPods and Iphones,
Then they all wonder why teachers call home.

Cheetos and hot fries, the Dr and Dew,
Enough to share with the whole crew.
Wal-Mart was closed so I couldn't buy paper,
but don't you worry, I have food for later.

The bell didn't ring, why am I late?
Test? What test? This must be a mistake!
My book's in my locker. Why is it there?
I didn't think I'd need it. Do you have a spare?

When h.w. is missing, much like their brains,
When they are late and when they complain,
I simply remember Thanksgiving,
Christmas and Easter.
And then I don't feel so bad!