"I have learned in my years on earth to hold everything loosely, because when I hold things tightly, God has to pry my fingers away. And that hurts. That hurts." ~ Corrie ten Boom
Relinquishment is something that I am unable to grasp. (Do you hear the irony in that statement?) I don't know how to let go. Like Corrie ten Boom, I hold things tightly and God often has to pry my fingers away. And she is right; the prying hurts.
So, what are my fingers and my heart so tightly clinging to? How about a family, a career, a home, traveling adventures and a myriad of other dreams? Though these things are not bad in themselves, in fact they are wonderful, I am consumed by them. I don't know how to relinquish them and the thought of not having any of them exactly like I envision can lead to worry, analysis, fear, panic and my personal favorite "a plan!" At this point, you might be thinking that these things are perfectly normal values and dreams. You might even be asking the questions: "What's the problem?" and"Why do you need to relinquish any of these things in the first place?
The problem is that which I refuse to let go of, is also that which I think has greater worth and value than God. You see, I have deluded myself into thinking that a house will keep me stable, an income will keep me safe and a husband will always keep me loved. The reality is that the very things I cling to for security are the things that keep me insecure. For example, the house that keeps me so stable is also the home that can lead to chaos any time a pipe busts or the dishwasher breaks. The career and income that make me feel secure and safe about my future also come with annual budget cuts. And, the husband that always makes me feel loved, also has the ability to break my heart and make me mad. The security nets that I cling to keep me awake at night because I am worried that they could fall out from underneath me at any moment and I NEED to have plan to keep my life in place!! Sound familiar?
If so, I hope it also sounds ridiculous, because it is! It is absolutely absurd that I place my hope and trust in tangible things that I spend more time worrying about than I do resting in!! So, why is it that I don't relinquish these things? Why is it that I cling so tightly? Though there are many plausible answers, I think the root issues are fear and trust. I am unable to relinquish because my fear is clinging to that which I am falsely trusting in. Rather than trusting in the God of grace, I trust in broken cisterns. I trust in the broken cistern to hold my life's supply of water and later wonder why it has all leaked out.
So, what is the solution? Simply put: Jesus. On my own I will never be secure or safe. I will always worry and always be afraid, but with Jesus I have hope because He covers my weaknesses and my failures. That's not to say life will be easy. It will be a long, slow journey, but that's okay because I have officially enrolled myself in relinquishment 101.
