I’m Normal Again –Also Known As- I’m Still Pregnant, But At Least I’m Awake For Once

It’s a glorious feeling, being normal! Normal people take normal things for granted, but when you’re pregnant for 9 months and one day suddenly realize you are actually awake, it’s an extraordinary thing to feel normal again!


For instance, normal people can carry on coherent conversations with other adults! I forgot what it felt like to actually listen and comprehend what other people say.

Even better than that, normal people actually remember what happens to them throughout the day!

Normal people can share about their day. (This does not mean that others will be excited to listen to you or talk to you for that matter, but hey, you can annoy them if you want to b/c you are awake!)

Normal people can brush their teeth, shower, make the bed, get dressed, fix their hair and apply make-up without having to take 5 minute breaks in between each activity!

Normal people can wash, dry and style their hair without passing out from exhaustion! And they don’t have to wake up two hours early b/c they know they will need a nap before they can exert any more energy to actually leave the house.

Normal people walk (not stumble) through the door, hang their keys up and DON’T fall asleep on the first piece of furniture in reach!

Normal people go on dates at 7pm instead of 4pm because….. they are still awake! Did you know that it’s dark at 7pm and other people are actually in restaurants on dates too? You might actually have to wait for a seat if you’re crazy enough to go on a date that late!

Normal people can do more than just dinner for a date! Why, you ask??? Because you are still awake!!! Now, after 9 months of exhaustion, you may not remember what people do on dates besides eat, but the point is, that if you can think of something else to do, you could actually do it!

Normal people can still breathe after 3 bites of food and more than likely won’t have indigestion!

Normal people can go grocery shopping and NOT run out of breath between the parking lot and the front door of the store!

And last, but not least, normal people get in bed at night and sleep! They only wake up every 3 hours to pee, instead of every 20 minutes! (I know, I know, that’s still not normal, but sue me people, I’m STILL pregnant!)

So, bring on the dropping baby! Long live the nesting period or as I am affectionately calling it, the “I’m normal again!” period!

It's A Man's World

10 Reasons Why My HUSBAND Loves Target (and why I love my husband)


1. The bathroom is in the FRONT of the store. You can use it on your way in the store or on your way out.


2. It smells good. And I quote "It feels like I'm going to the movies!"


3. There are PEOPLE who ACTUALLY work the registers to check me out, so lines aren't long.


4. There are people who work OUTSIDE the registers to help me when I need help.


5. It's really cheap.


6.  I know where stuff is. It's easy for me to find and guess what? If I can't find it, there's someone to help me find it!


7. It's a much nicer atmosphere. When I walk in, I feel like I am in an art gallery and I don't get harassed by weird people. Yes, that was a cheap shot at the Wal-Mart greeter.


8. There aren't usually a lot of people there, so I can get in and out quickly.  


9. I can usually park within 50 feet of the front door and don't have to wear exercise clothes get in, through and out the store. I appreciate shopping in a store that doesn't feel like an obstacle course!


10. Did I mention it was really cheap???

Things I Hope My Little One Doesn't Hate

Dear Little Bambino,


As I eagerly await your arrival, I’ve thought of things I really hope you don’t hate in life. If you do, it’s okay, I hated and still hate many things my parents love, and for that matter things your own father loves. However, if you feel the urge to follow your mother’s advice (as you should), below are things it would be tragic for you to miss out on.


1. Peanut Butter-I really hope you aren’t allergic because, well, that would just be SAD.


2. Football-I used to hate sports and would never force you to play, but let’s just say you would have a #1 fan for the rest of your life. So, please, at least watch the game with me on Sundays??? Either way, I’ve already decided you will have a football and/or cheerleader outfit (depending on your gender) within the first year of life. Maybe that photo will tide me over the rest of your years. :)


3. Country Music-Your father is not a fan, but you will realize one day that there is nothing better for a long road trip then good ole country music.


4. Sweet Tea-Your father and his family will try to convince you that real tea is unsweetened tea and we will both drink it to be polite, but let’s be real here, SWEET TEA is the ONLY tea!


5. Reading-I swear that intelligence is increased by reading. Reading for pleasure, reading for school (not that they are foes), it doesn’t matter. Reading will increase your vocabulary and develop your critical thinking skills. Please read; we really don’t want you to be a dummy.


6. Carbs-Pasta and bread, yum! Everything in moderation. :)


7. Tug-Who wouldn’t love him? We do hope he loves and treats you kindly. In return, no pulling on his tail or trying to wash him in the washing machine!!!


8. Camping-Feel free to hate it. Please do. I HATE camping and if you could request as few camping trips as possible, it would make mommy very happy.


9. Culture-God created a world full of many countries, cultures and languages. Embrace them; you won’t regret it. You might even find a passion; I did. PS: It’s okay if you don’t like the food; I tend to have an aversion to that part.


10. Shopping (Frugal Shopping)-I do few things better. It would be wise of you to learn how now or at least learn to suck it up and pretend; that’s what your father does. :)


Until we meet, I will continue to think of things I hope you love! And if you don’t love them all, it’s okay! I’m sure you will find something even better!

3rd Trimester Trivia

Physical conditions of the third trimester have led me to ask many questions, like:

 1- Why is my ankle the size of a giant softball? There really is nothing else to say about this one, other than please don't look at my knees, legs or feet. You might wonder if I borrowed my lower body parts from King Kong. Don't worry Greensboro, I promise not to climb on the downtown skyscrapers or crush your home. I can barely get my fat feet out of bed.

 2-Why do I feel like I need diapers? How can it be humanly possible to pee so much? I'm really starting to wonder if Depends largest customer base is pregnant women.


3-Why is Harris Teeter the only store with "Expectant Mother" parking? Don't they know that as an expectant mother, I can't afford to shop or park there anyway? And why don't wholesale stores, like Costco, have "Expectant Mother" parking? They know I'm forced to shop there for the 900 baby wipes at the everyday low price of $19.99 anyway!!!


4-Why don't stores have special chairs for pregnant women? Infants get a special seat in the cart. The elderly and disabled get their own wheelchair/shopping cart. Pregnant women proceed to pant around the store until other patrons wonder if they are just that out of shape or going into labor. Rather than have my water break all over aisle 9, I would be content to drive and shop in one of your wheelchairs with a mommy-size shopping cart, b/c let's be honest, those little baskets aren't going to cut it.


5- Why do people (a.k.a. husbands and live-in sisters) think it's okay to use the pregnant woman as an excuse for their snack cravings? You can say that the brownies are for me as much as you want, but you're still the one eating them. And speaking of eating brownies, if you plan on eating them, you better eat them soon or they might really end up being for me. :)


6-What makes a classroom full of 30 teenagers think that just because I now am a mom, I'm their mom? Don't leave your trash on my floor, scissors on my desk or your homework in my room. I'm not your mom or your maid! Even if I was, I can't bend over to pick it up b/c we both know I might not be able to get back up! Come to think of it, that might be their goal.


7-What makes 16 year old boys think it's acceptable to rub a teacher's belly and yell out "That's my son!" while pointing at me in the hallway? Do you really think I can't kick your butt pregnant, because if anything the pregnancy hormones just make me crazier. I. Will. Take. You. Out.


8-Why does my baby only like to move at night when I want to sleep? Why does my husband like to instigate these movements by pressing on the baby over and over so that he or she keeps kicking back? It’s a revolving tennis match in there. Are they plotting against me already?


9-How can a body be so tired, yet unable to sleep? Don’t tell me it’s b/c I’m mentally awake. Trust me when I say there is nothing mentally awake about this pregnant woman, day or night.


10-Why do I think anybody else cares? Time for a brownie.

Fit for a Baby??

Seven things we do with babies that we wouldn't do with anyone else.

1. The Jungle Theme.

At no other time in your life is it acceptable or advised to play or sleep with elephants, lions and monkeys, but for an infant it’s okay, in fact we think it’s cute.



2. Ocean Friends

Life guards advise swimmers to stay out of the ocean at the sign of sharks, killer whales and octopus. Moms let their children make friends with these ocean predators during bath time.



3. Plastic Chew Toys…Er…Pacifiers

Every mom tells the babysitter to make sure little Johnny doesn’t put any small plastic toys in his mouth; he might choke on them. But, if you can’t get him to fall asleep, put that small plastic pacifier in there!



4. The Leash

Don’t want your child to behave like a wild animal in the store? Treat him/her like one; put them on a leash while you walk around Wal-Mart!



5. Video Surveillance Cameras

For anyone other than a baby it would be considered strange and inappropriate to have a 24-7 surveillance camera tracking your every move (especially in the bedroom), but for infants it’s a necessary safety measure.



6. Sports in the House

Once they hit a certain age, it is absolutely not okay to play sports in the house. However, if you are between the ages of 1-3, we beg you to please roll, toss and catch the ball in the house!! If you’re very talented, and daddy is very lucky, you will even learn how to play golf indoors with those cute little plastic clubs!




7. Running Around in the Nude

Is against the law, but if you are a baby mommy will take a picture and post it on Facebook.