Conversations with a pregnant woman:
Me: "Louis, it's really dark in here. Can we get a standing lamp or something to put in here?"
Louis: "Jamie, turn the lights on."
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Me: "We have a ham if someone can bring a turkey."
Emily: "I can bring a turkey."
Me: "So, I'm bringing the ham and the turkey?"
Emily: "No, I'm bringing the turkey. You're bringing the ham."
Me: "I thought you just said you were bringing the turkey."
Emily (and everyone else in the room-all laughing hysterically): "She did!"
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Me: Louis, put the sock down. Drop it! Tug, come get your dog!!
(Louis is my husband. Tug is my dog.)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Side Effects of Brain Loss (Temporary...Or So They Tell Me)
They call it pregnancy brain. I thought it was a myth or worse, just another symptom. Don't let your pre-pregnancy intelligence fool you. It's not just another symptom. It's an all-powerful, omniscient monster set out to slowly destroy your brain cells one forgetful moment at a time. Picture the infamous egg commercial: (Normal egg) This is your brain. (Fried egg) This is your brain on drugs during pregnancy. If you aren't quite getting the picture yet, let me give you just a few fun side effects of brain loss at a rapid rate:
- You go to the grocery store and you buy not one expired item, but a whole cart full. Your husband comes home to inform you that you have purchased not only expired bread, but also expired lettuce and a moldy not-so-fresh pineapple. To make matters worse, the cart full was from Costco so your mold is growing in bulk.
- You complete 108 accommodation testing forms for your job. You make copies and mail them to the school testing coordinator and county-wide ESL office. You get an email telling you that your forgot to specify how many students in a room counts as a separate setting. Copies are mailed back to you. You re-do all 108 copies. (My calculator says that you have now filled out a total of 216 forms.) One week later. You get an email that opens with the following line: "I hear you are pregnant. I hope this does not send you into labor, but you have to re-do them again. You forgot to do a separate form for each test." You now must re-do all 108 forms a 3rd time, but each form may only list one test, so that triples the work. Doing the math at this point is just cruel and unusual punishment.
- You make your students hand copy a graphic organizer. After they finish, you realize you made copies of it the day before.
- You wake up exhausted and are so thankful that today is Saturday. Three hours later you realize it's Tuesday and you should be in 2nd block teaching. Just kidding. I haven't done that. Yet.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
These Are A Few of My Favorite Things!
A little teacher humor for those of who us work in the wonderful world of high school:
Students without work b/c they "forgot" their glasses,
then they wonder why they repeat classes.
Bookbags with IPads, IPods and Iphones,
Then they all wonder why teachers call home.
Cheetos and hot fries, the Dr and Dew,
Enough to share with the whole crew.
Wal-Mart was closed so I couldn't buy paper,
but don't you worry, I have food for later.
The bell didn't ring, why am I late?
Test? What test? This must be a mistake!
My book's in my locker. Why is it there?
I didn't think I'd need it. Do you have a spare?
When h.w. is missing, much like their brains,
When they are late and when they complain,
I simply remember Thanksgiving,
Christmas and Easter.
And then I don't feel so bad!
Students without work b/c they "forgot" their glasses,
then they wonder why they repeat classes.
Bookbags with IPads, IPods and Iphones,
Then they all wonder why teachers call home.
Cheetos and hot fries, the Dr and Dew,
Enough to share with the whole crew.
Wal-Mart was closed so I couldn't buy paper,
but don't you worry, I have food for later.
The bell didn't ring, why am I late?
Test? What test? This must be a mistake!
My book's in my locker. Why is it there?
I didn't think I'd need it. Do you have a spare?
When h.w. is missing, much like their brains,
When they are late and when they complain,
I simply remember Thanksgiving,
Christmas and Easter.
And then I don't feel so bad!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
What's for dinner???
It’s been a while since my last post, which isn’t exactly surprising considering I’ve spent the last 3 months of my life throwing up. It’s a fact of life for me now: nausea, vomiting, strange and frequently altering food aversions. Yes, it’s true, I’m pregnant. If I didn’t believe the pregnancy test (which I didn’t, because I took two and bought a 3rd “just in case”), it became brutally real to me when the morning sickness kicked in. Oh and how I wish it was just morning sickness! The first 12 weeks I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness and evening sickness. Friends and experienced mothers would say “Isn’t it terrible? Sometimes I wished I could just throw up.” I would then laugh because I spent countless hours on my couch thinking the EXACT same thing! Then, I was blessed with the ability to experience both the nausea and the throwing up. And I don’t say “blessed” sarcastically, because it REALLY does make you feel better!
I’m entering my 16th week now and have spent the last two weeks in the coveted 2nd trimester. However, like many women, I’m still coveting that 2nd trimester honeymoon phase. My baby and body have decided that they rather enjoy the 1st trimester symptoms and are prolonging our affair. Personally, I would prefer we just said “been there, done that”, but what’s a girl going to do? All I can do now is ask “What’s for dinner?” and wonder if I’m at least going to like what I will eventually be sharing with my new best friend, the toilet. My body changes its mind like a teenager changes clothes. I have absolutely detested chicken (which was my life source), Mexican queso dip is the most unappealing appetizer in the world (which is just blasphemy folks!) and I flick the salt off of my pretzels because I can’t stand it (it should be noted that I normally love salty things). To make meals, or matters, even more interesting, I go through phases of foods that my body craves before it then decides that the same dish will wreak havoc on me and I no longer ever want to see, taste, smell, think about or hear the name of that dish again. So far we have been through: double cheeseburgers, grapes, popcorn, yogurt, baked ziti, pizza, macaroni n cheese, salads and even an entire restaurant affectionately known as Cooper’s Alehouse. Notice a CARB trend anyone?? If anyone wants to come over and empty my freezer of the stockpile of foods I formerly loved, but now get nauseous just thinking about, come on over! I will be here, wondering “What’s for dinner?” and “Do I have to eat? Really?”
I’m entering my 16th week now and have spent the last two weeks in the coveted 2nd trimester. However, like many women, I’m still coveting that 2nd trimester honeymoon phase. My baby and body have decided that they rather enjoy the 1st trimester symptoms and are prolonging our affair. Personally, I would prefer we just said “been there, done that”, but what’s a girl going to do? All I can do now is ask “What’s for dinner?” and wonder if I’m at least going to like what I will eventually be sharing with my new best friend, the toilet. My body changes its mind like a teenager changes clothes. I have absolutely detested chicken (which was my life source), Mexican queso dip is the most unappealing appetizer in the world (which is just blasphemy folks!) and I flick the salt off of my pretzels because I can’t stand it (it should be noted that I normally love salty things). To make meals, or matters, even more interesting, I go through phases of foods that my body craves before it then decides that the same dish will wreak havoc on me and I no longer ever want to see, taste, smell, think about or hear the name of that dish again. So far we have been through: double cheeseburgers, grapes, popcorn, yogurt, baked ziti, pizza, macaroni n cheese, salads and even an entire restaurant affectionately known as Cooper’s Alehouse. Notice a CARB trend anyone?? If anyone wants to come over and empty my freezer of the stockpile of foods I formerly loved, but now get nauseous just thinking about, come on over! I will be here, wondering “What’s for dinner?” and “Do I have to eat? Really?”
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I Don't Have
How much time do you spend thinking about what you don't have?
I don't know about you, but I frequently find myself citing the list of things "I don't have." I flip through magazines and walk through stores making a mental list of all the things I eventually hope to have. Over the last few days and over the coming weeks, I will be spending quite a bit of time in the apartment homes of my students. After only 48 hours, I have already made another list of the things I don't have.
I Don't Have
I don't have a 3 room apartment with 7 roommates.
I don't have concrete slabs for floors.
I don't have mattresses on the floor for beds.
I don't share my bed with my 2 sisters every night of the week.
I don't have parents who sleep on the concrete floors, so I can have a bed.
I don't have an infant who sleeps next to me, crying all night long, while I still have to go to school/work in the morning.
I don't have a home full of someone else's discarded furniture.
I don't wear clothes that someone else decided were too old, too worn or too out of style to keep.
I don't have cracks and holes in my walls, sinks, plumbing and cabinetry.
I don't have cabinets that hold empty shelves with very little food.
I don't have paper plates and paper napkins as my china.
I don't have sweat dripping down my face because of a lack of air conditioning and I don't wear layers upon layers in the winter because there is no heat.
I don't have to walk to the laundry mat or wash my clothes by hand in our sink.
I don't wake up at 5am in the morning to get my little sister ready for school because my parents are already at work.
I don't stay up until midnight doing homework, because I was cleaning, cooking and babysitting until 9pm while my parents worked yet another shift.
I don't have a monthly income of only $400-$800 to provide for my whole family.
I don't have a history of persecution and fleeing from place to place.
So, yes, there are a lot of things I don't have and for that I am grateful.
I don't know about you, but I frequently find myself citing the list of things "I don't have." I flip through magazines and walk through stores making a mental list of all the things I eventually hope to have. Over the last few days and over the coming weeks, I will be spending quite a bit of time in the apartment homes of my students. After only 48 hours, I have already made another list of the things I don't have.
I Don't Have
I don't have a 3 room apartment with 7 roommates.
I don't have concrete slabs for floors.
I don't have mattresses on the floor for beds.
I don't share my bed with my 2 sisters every night of the week.
I don't have parents who sleep on the concrete floors, so I can have a bed.
I don't have an infant who sleeps next to me, crying all night long, while I still have to go to school/work in the morning.
I don't have a home full of someone else's discarded furniture.
I don't wear clothes that someone else decided were too old, too worn or too out of style to keep.
I don't have cracks and holes in my walls, sinks, plumbing and cabinetry.
I don't have cabinets that hold empty shelves with very little food.
I don't have paper plates and paper napkins as my china.
I don't have sweat dripping down my face because of a lack of air conditioning and I don't wear layers upon layers in the winter because there is no heat.
I don't have to walk to the laundry mat or wash my clothes by hand in our sink.
I don't wake up at 5am in the morning to get my little sister ready for school because my parents are already at work.
I don't stay up until midnight doing homework, because I was cleaning, cooking and babysitting until 9pm while my parents worked yet another shift.
I don't have a monthly income of only $400-$800 to provide for my whole family.
I don't have a history of persecution and fleeing from place to place.
So, yes, there are a lot of things I don't have and for that I am grateful.
Monday, May 16, 2011
My Heroes
It’s the end of the school year and everyone else is counting down. In high school, there is a 3 part countdown: days until exams, days until the last day of school and days until the last teacher workday. Usually, I’m an avid and faithful participant in the annual countdown, but this year, not so much. This year I would be utterly oblivious to the countdown if it weren’t for the morning and afternoon greetings of my fellow teachers: “Good Morning! 11 More days!”-----8 hours later------“Have a good night! Only 10 more days!” So, I ask myself “Self, why aren’t you excited? For the last four years, you’ve updated the daily countdown on the board as a waving flag for all to see. Why not this year?” And the only conclusion I can come to is “Self, you are a blessed one.”
I love my job. And not just the way you love your job, but still count down the hours until happy hour so you can get back to your real life, but I love my job like it is my real life. And I am SO THANKFUL for that. It’s not just a monthly paycheck that pays my bills, but it’s a part of my life that brings exhilaration and motivation, tears and fits of laughter, hard work with great reward, rough encounters that bring deeper commitment and smiles that will forever be embedded in my heart. I know this may be hard to believe, but I actually smile on my way to work and I smile on my way home. Now granted, some days I might need a shot of something to help induce that smile b/c some child has driven me to insanity levels that threaten to send me to jail if I were to respond to him, but nonetheless, I still smile.
You might be wondering, ‘What’s so great about your job Jamie?” Well, let me share my many blessings with you. I love my job because it’s like going to visit family (that you really like) every day! I have a special relationship with my students. Though I am not a mother yet, in many ways they are like my own children. They are from other countries and most of their parents do not speak English, so when they arrive here in the U.S. they are caught between two worlds of childhood and adulthood. They are children in their parents’ eyes, in their native tongues and in their households, but they are adults in the day to day life of America. Someone has to pay the bills, interpret at doctor’s appointments, get a driver’s license, cook dinner and help their little siblings with homework while their parents work minimum wage 3rd shift jobs. They have 1-3 years of English language at their grasp, maybe an elementary education in their native country and have to meet the same graduation standards as your American-born child with all the blessings. Yet, they are here. Every day, they are here. They greet me with a smile as they walk through my door. They are compassionate. They are dedicated. They are brave and they are resilient. I admire them, I respect them, I learn from them. I am their biggest fan and they are my heroes.
So, I’m not counting down the days until they leave, but I might start counting down the days until they return because they have taught me that sometimes all that matters is that you show up.
I love my job. And not just the way you love your job, but still count down the hours until happy hour so you can get back to your real life, but I love my job like it is my real life. And I am SO THANKFUL for that. It’s not just a monthly paycheck that pays my bills, but it’s a part of my life that brings exhilaration and motivation, tears and fits of laughter, hard work with great reward, rough encounters that bring deeper commitment and smiles that will forever be embedded in my heart. I know this may be hard to believe, but I actually smile on my way to work and I smile on my way home. Now granted, some days I might need a shot of something to help induce that smile b/c some child has driven me to insanity levels that threaten to send me to jail if I were to respond to him, but nonetheless, I still smile.
You might be wondering, ‘What’s so great about your job Jamie?” Well, let me share my many blessings with you. I love my job because it’s like going to visit family (that you really like) every day! I have a special relationship with my students. Though I am not a mother yet, in many ways they are like my own children. They are from other countries and most of their parents do not speak English, so when they arrive here in the U.S. they are caught between two worlds of childhood and adulthood. They are children in their parents’ eyes, in their native tongues and in their households, but they are adults in the day to day life of America. Someone has to pay the bills, interpret at doctor’s appointments, get a driver’s license, cook dinner and help their little siblings with homework while their parents work minimum wage 3rd shift jobs. They have 1-3 years of English language at their grasp, maybe an elementary education in their native country and have to meet the same graduation standards as your American-born child with all the blessings. Yet, they are here. Every day, they are here. They greet me with a smile as they walk through my door. They are compassionate. They are dedicated. They are brave and they are resilient. I admire them, I respect them, I learn from them. I am their biggest fan and they are my heroes.
So, I’m not counting down the days until they leave, but I might start counting down the days until they return because they have taught me that sometimes all that matters is that you show up.
Everyone's Favorite Conjunction
So, the other night my husband and I got into a grammatical debate over his graduate student essay. The first line began with a statement that included an unnecessary conjunction. Though the purpose of his introduction was to be a witty mockery of the author he was analyzing, I could not enjoy the sarcasm because I was SO distracted by the intruding conjunction. The English teacher in me cringed every time I heard “so post labeling.” We proceeded to debate whether or not the clever imitation of the author was more valuable than grammatical symmetry. Eventually, the debate boiled down to two points: whether or not my husband knows his basic conjunctions and the proper usage of them (there will be a footnote lesson for all at the bottom of this blog) and how hypocritical I am to reject the overuse of “so” in written form when I so frequently use it in verbal form. So, in honor of the overuse of conjunctions everywhere I decided to blog about it to honor so with the much needed respect it so deserves. Are you already beginning to see how so annoying “so” can be? So, why do we use “so” so much because I am so over it!
PS: For those of you wondering, “So, why did write this lame blog?” I ask, “So, why are you still reading it?”
*A conjunction is used to connect two related ideas or complete thoughts. Please note that none of the statements above actually require a conjunction. An easy way to remember your basic conjunctions is the acronym FANBOYS, though there are many more.
F-for
A-and
N-nor
B-but
O-or
Y-yet
S-everyone’s favorite………………so!
PS: For those of you wondering, “So, why did write this lame blog?” I ask, “So, why are you still reading it?”
*A conjunction is used to connect two related ideas or complete thoughts. Please note that none of the statements above actually require a conjunction. An easy way to remember your basic conjunctions is the acronym FANBOYS, though there are many more.
F-for
A-and
N-nor
B-but
O-or
Y-yet
S-everyone’s favorite………………so!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Love to Laugh
Laughter just has to make you smile; that's its job and why so many of us love it. Laughter is that thing that relieves stress and tension from your body at the end of, middle of or even the beginning of a really hard day. Laughter is the thing that lightens the mood in a room and draws a bridge back to you and the other person you are separated from. Laughter brings good friends together and is what makes some friends great ones. Laughter can ease the pain of a broken heart. Laughter brings joy to a marriage, a family and any other relationship I can imagine. Laughter makes the classroom vibrant and the students engaged. Laughter is just good for the soul. So if you haven't yet, take time to laugh to today.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Checklist
Life is full of checklists and frequently we find ourselves checking the boxes we didn’t mean to check. I am a creature of checklists. I love them because checking things off gives me a sense of freedom. However, I daily find myself checking the box of sin, which only confines me. Today was one of those days, the kind where bad choices smack you in the face and you’re not sure what hit you. Well, I am sure of what hit me and worse I am sure that it hit my husband too, hard. I am convicted and humbled to admit that my mouth frequently gets me into trouble. And truly it’s not only my mouth, but the heart behind my mouth. My husband rightfully called me out on my criticism of him and I am ashamed to admit that I had to apologize for much worse. You see, I had to apologize for my critical words, but more than that I had to apologize for the reason behind my words: my disrespect of him. My disrespect that sometimes might derive from his actions/words, but often derives from my personal fears and idols in life. So, tonight I learned a valuable lesson: that we cannot hide from our sin or our idols in life. Our sin will flesh itself out in whatever we say and do. The thing that we value and hope in more than Christ himself will be revealed and we have two choices. We can deny that sin which is blatantly before us and continue to live in naïve pride or we can own up to our sinfulness and seek forgiveness, first from Christ than from the person we slapped in the face with the particular day’s checklist. Which box will you check?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A Thought to Meditate On
Recently my Bible study group listened to a sermon on Romans 12 by John Piper. As most of Piper’s sermons do, this one left me craving to meditate some more on the scripture that he spoke on. With that said, here are a few of the lessons I learned from that time with God:
Romans 12: 1-2:”Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy & pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
1- We can willingly offer our bodies & lives as sacrifices when our view is focused on God’s mercy and not on our self-centered pride.
2- When I focus on what I want and what I can do, I don’t make sacrifices to Christ and I am not obedient to HIS will. But when I remember and meditate on God’s mercy towards me I can readily worship God with my life because I believe He is the one worthy of worship, not I.
3- My life is to be offered to God, not components of my life.
4- I am to be holy and pleasing, which I can’t do apart from Christ.
5- Two opposing options in this life:
Choice A
*Conform to the pattern of the world
*It is a pattern: a pattern of pursuing promotions, beauty & money that leads to the pattern of bankruptcy, devastation & disappointment.
*Exhibit A: I buy something I just have to have and 3 months later I hate said item and want something different. Exhibit B: the hairstyle & jeans were in 6 months ago, now they are out.
*The pattern of the world is the pursuit of empty promises.
Choice B
*To be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
*I can be changed, so can you. The change begins with the mind & the heart, not with the wallet, peer approval or life’s goals.
*The renewing of my mind occurs by being in the Word.
*If I want my mind to think about what is lovely, pure & holy than I need to meditate on what is lovely, pure & holy. This can only be found in the Word of God, not in Real Simple, Grey’s, NCIS, fashion, close friends or whatever you want to fill in the blank with.
*If I want my life to be more than disappointments and unfulfilled promises, than I must saturate my life in that which fully satisfies: Christ & His Word.
Romans 12: 1-2:”Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy & pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
1- We can willingly offer our bodies & lives as sacrifices when our view is focused on God’s mercy and not on our self-centered pride.
2- When I focus on what I want and what I can do, I don’t make sacrifices to Christ and I am not obedient to HIS will. But when I remember and meditate on God’s mercy towards me I can readily worship God with my life because I believe He is the one worthy of worship, not I.
3- My life is to be offered to God, not components of my life.
4- I am to be holy and pleasing, which I can’t do apart from Christ.
5- Two opposing options in this life:
Choice A
*Conform to the pattern of the world
*It is a pattern: a pattern of pursuing promotions, beauty & money that leads to the pattern of bankruptcy, devastation & disappointment.
*Exhibit A: I buy something I just have to have and 3 months later I hate said item and want something different. Exhibit B: the hairstyle & jeans were in 6 months ago, now they are out.
*The pattern of the world is the pursuit of empty promises.
Choice B
*To be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
*I can be changed, so can you. The change begins with the mind & the heart, not with the wallet, peer approval or life’s goals.
*The renewing of my mind occurs by being in the Word.
*If I want my mind to think about what is lovely, pure & holy than I need to meditate on what is lovely, pure & holy. This can only be found in the Word of God, not in Real Simple, Grey’s, NCIS, fashion, close friends or whatever you want to fill in the blank with.
*If I want my life to be more than disappointments and unfulfilled promises, than I must saturate my life in that which fully satisfies: Christ & His Word.
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