They say all babies do is eat, sleep and poop, but I’m amazed at what my little guy can do with all that poop! Just the other night we went out to dinner with my in-laws. My little man slept peacefully through the whole thing; it was wonderful! Then, I get home to find that he has pooped all the way through both the diaper and the onesie, leaving a lovely pile in his car seat for me to clean up (and yes, I do mean “pile”.) The worst part was that even after cleaning the car seat out, it still wreaked the next morning and we had to go to church like that! Two days later, the little man does it again! Only this time, he was sitting on my lap. And yes, you guessed it; he pooped all over my pants! The next day, he was kind enough to lay off the poop, but decided to pee all over my jeans instead. I had just changed his diaper. I had just washed those jeans. But on the bright side, the talented little guy somehow managed not to get the diaper wet! I just don’t know how he does it!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Newborn Diaries: Chapter 2 The Leaky Faucet
(WARNING: This post is not intended for boys. Read at your own risk.)
Who knew a girl could leak from so many places? Let’s just be real here, leaking is not fun. You leak from the top, you leak from the bottom. You have to buy special attire for all elements of your body and you are afraid to go out in public because they might see you leak. You walk slowly and carefully, because, well for one it hurts to move and for two, you are a leaky faucet. You wear layers of clothing (and now pads at both ends) and I pray for you that it isn’t summer time because between the layers and the heat, you add sweat to the drainage. It’s not fun to be a leaky faucet. In fact, I find it to be quite a miserable experience and pray that one day soon the pipes will get fixed.
PS: If you are a male and you read this article, I do apologize, but I warned you in the beginning not to. Silly boys, this blog is for girls.
Who knew a girl could leak from so many places? Let’s just be real here, leaking is not fun. You leak from the top, you leak from the bottom. You have to buy special attire for all elements of your body and you are afraid to go out in public because they might see you leak. You walk slowly and carefully, because, well for one it hurts to move and for two, you are a leaky faucet. You wear layers of clothing (and now pads at both ends) and I pray for you that it isn’t summer time because between the layers and the heat, you add sweat to the drainage. It’s not fun to be a leaky faucet. In fact, I find it to be quite a miserable experience and pray that one day soon the pipes will get fixed.
PS: If you are a male and you read this article, I do apologize, but I warned you in the beginning not to. Silly boys, this blog is for girls.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The Newborn Diaries: Chapter 1 Someone Should Have Told Me
No one tells you about the dark side. Everyone gets so excited and tells you how much you will love your little baby. “Aren’t you so excited?” they ask. Well, yes, I was.
Then it came.
I left the hospital in a state of excited exhaustion. The first week went great! I was exhausted, but content to rise every 2-3 hours to feed my little one. The adrenaline kept me going, even though every inch of my body hurt and I could barely move.
Then it came.
I hit the wall. One week in exactly, my adrenaline crashed and I could focus on nothing but the exhaustion and pain. I could barely walk, getting out of bed or off the couch required the assistance of my husband, I was leaking from every end imaginable (more on that later) and I ached like I had been hit by a truck. Twice.Hit at least twice.
Then it came.
I got thrush, which I inevitably gave to my baby. My baby wanted to be fed every 45 minutes, which meant I bled and cried every 45 minutes. Yes, every 45 minutes my cracked milk makers were producing enough blood to make a girl want to scream.
Then it came.
I got the baby blues. I had never even heard of the baby blues, until I got so depressed I thought I had post-partum. I cried constantly, kept wondering “What have I done?” and could not attach to my baby. It got so bad, my husband rented Breaking Dawn, from the Twilight series, (which he hates) to cheer me up. I sobbed the entire first 20 minutes of the movie.
Then it came.
Eventually, it started to get better, which is why I’m writing these Newborn Diaries. Each entry is a way for me to reflect and relax. I can process the day, look back and laugh. I hope that each entry strengthens other mommies to make it through their day and know they aren’t alone. But, I’m telling you folks, it’s not all coos and giggles.
Then it came.
I left the hospital in a state of excited exhaustion. The first week went great! I was exhausted, but content to rise every 2-3 hours to feed my little one. The adrenaline kept me going, even though every inch of my body hurt and I could barely move.
Then it came.
I hit the wall. One week in exactly, my adrenaline crashed and I could focus on nothing but the exhaustion and pain. I could barely walk, getting out of bed or off the couch required the assistance of my husband, I was leaking from every end imaginable (more on that later) and I ached like I had been hit by a truck. Twice.Hit at least twice.
Then it came.
I got thrush, which I inevitably gave to my baby. My baby wanted to be fed every 45 minutes, which meant I bled and cried every 45 minutes. Yes, every 45 minutes my cracked milk makers were producing enough blood to make a girl want to scream.
Then it came.
I got the baby blues. I had never even heard of the baby blues, until I got so depressed I thought I had post-partum. I cried constantly, kept wondering “What have I done?” and could not attach to my baby. It got so bad, my husband rented Breaking Dawn, from the Twilight series, (which he hates) to cheer me up. I sobbed the entire first 20 minutes of the movie.
Then it came.
Eventually, it started to get better, which is why I’m writing these Newborn Diaries. Each entry is a way for me to reflect and relax. I can process the day, look back and laugh. I hope that each entry strengthens other mommies to make it through their day and know they aren’t alone. But, I’m telling you folks, it’s not all coos and giggles.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
I’m Normal Again –Also Known As- I’m Still Pregnant, But At Least I’m Awake For Once
It’s a glorious feeling, being normal! Normal people take normal things for granted, but when you’re pregnant for 9 months and one day suddenly realize you are actually awake, it’s an extraordinary thing to feel normal again!
For instance, normal people can carry on coherent conversations with other adults! I forgot what it felt like to actually listen and comprehend what other people say.
Even better than that, normal people actually remember what happens to them throughout the day!
Normal people can share about their day. (This does not mean that others will be excited to listen to you or talk to you for that matter, but hey, you can annoy them if you want to b/c you are awake!)
Normal people can brush their teeth, shower, make the bed, get dressed, fix their hair and apply make-up without having to take 5 minute breaks in between each activity!
Normal people can wash, dry and style their hair without passing out from exhaustion! And they don’t have to wake up two hours early b/c they know they will need a nap before they can exert any more energy to actually leave the house.
Normal people walk (not stumble) through the door, hang their keys up and DON’T fall asleep on the first piece of furniture in reach!
Normal people go on dates at 7pm instead of 4pm because….. they are still awake! Did you know that it’s dark at 7pm and other people are actually in restaurants on dates too? You might actually have to wait for a seat if you’re crazy enough to go on a date that late!
Normal people can do more than just dinner for a date! Why, you ask??? Because you are still awake!!! Now, after 9 months of exhaustion, you may not remember what people do on dates besides eat, but the point is, that if you can think of something else to do, you could actually do it!
Normal people can still breathe after 3 bites of food and more than likely won’t have indigestion!
Normal people can go grocery shopping and NOT run out of breath between the parking lot and the front door of the store!
And last, but not least, normal people get in bed at night and sleep! They only wake up every 3 hours to pee, instead of every 20 minutes! (I know, I know, that’s still not normal, but sue me people, I’m STILL pregnant!)
So, bring on the dropping baby! Long live the nesting period or as I am affectionately calling it, the “I’m normal again!” period!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
It's A Man's World
10 Reasons Why My HUSBAND Loves Target (and why I love my husband)
1. The bathroom is in the FRONT of the store. You can use it on your way in the store or on your way out.
2. It smells good. And I quote "It feels like I'm going to the movies!"
3. There are PEOPLE who ACTUALLY work the registers to check me out, so lines aren't long.
4. There are people who work OUTSIDE the registers to help me when I need help.
5. It's really cheap.
6. I know where stuff is. It's easy for me to find and guess what? If I can't find it, there's someone to help me find it!
7. It's a much nicer atmosphere. When I walk in, I feel like I am in an art gallery and I don't get harassed by weird people. Yes, that was a cheap shot at the Wal-Mart greeter.
8. There aren't usually a lot of people there, so I can get in and out quickly.
9. I can usually park within 50 feet of the front door and don't have to wear exercise clothes get in, through and out the store. I appreciate shopping in a store that doesn't feel like an obstacle course!
10. Did I mention it was really cheap???
1. The bathroom is in the FRONT of the store. You can use it on your way in the store or on your way out.
2. It smells good. And I quote "It feels like I'm going to the movies!"
3. There are PEOPLE who ACTUALLY work the registers to check me out, so lines aren't long.
4. There are people who work OUTSIDE the registers to help me when I need help.
5. It's really cheap.
6. I know where stuff is. It's easy for me to find and guess what? If I can't find it, there's someone to help me find it!
7. It's a much nicer atmosphere. When I walk in, I feel like I am in an art gallery and I don't get harassed by weird people. Yes, that was a cheap shot at the Wal-Mart greeter.
8. There aren't usually a lot of people there, so I can get in and out quickly.
9. I can usually park within 50 feet of the front door and don't have to wear exercise clothes get in, through and out the store. I appreciate shopping in a store that doesn't feel like an obstacle course!
10. Did I mention it was really cheap???
Monday, February 13, 2012
Things I Hope My Little One Doesn't Hate
Dear Little Bambino,
As I eagerly await your arrival, I’ve thought of things I really hope you don’t hate in life. If you do, it’s okay, I hated and still hate many things my parents love, and for that matter things your own father loves. However, if you feel the urge to follow your mother’s advice (as you should), below are things it would be tragic for you to miss out on.
1. Peanut Butter-I really hope you aren’t allergic because, well, that would just be SAD.
2. Football-I used to hate sports and would never force you to play, but let’s just say you would have a #1 fan for the rest of your life. So, please, at least watch the game with me on Sundays??? Either way, I’ve already decided you will have a football and/or cheerleader outfit (depending on your gender) within the first year of life. Maybe that photo will tide me over the rest of your years. :)
3. Country Music-Your father is not a fan, but you will realize one day that there is nothing better for a long road trip then good ole country music.
4. Sweet Tea-Your father and his family will try to convince you that real tea is unsweetened tea and we will both drink it to be polite, but let’s be real here, SWEET TEA is the ONLY tea!
5. Reading-I swear that intelligence is increased by reading. Reading for pleasure, reading for school (not that they are foes), it doesn’t matter. Reading will increase your vocabulary and develop your critical thinking skills. Please read; we really don’t want you to be a dummy.
6. Carbs-Pasta and bread, yum! Everything in moderation. :)
7. Tug-Who wouldn’t love him? We do hope he loves and treats you kindly. In return, no pulling on his tail or trying to wash him in the washing machine!!!
8. Camping-Feel free to hate it. Please do. I HATE camping and if you could request as few camping trips as possible, it would make mommy very happy.
9. Culture-God created a world full of many countries, cultures and languages. Embrace them; you won’t regret it. You might even find a passion; I did. PS: It’s okay if you don’t like the food; I tend to have an aversion to that part.
10. Shopping (Frugal Shopping)-I do few things better. It would be wise of you to learn how now or at least learn to suck it up and pretend; that’s what your father does. :)
Until we meet, I will continue to think of things I hope you love! And if you don’t love them all, it’s okay! I’m sure you will find something even better!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
3rd Trimester Trivia
Physical conditions of the third trimester have led me to ask many questions, like:
1- Why is my ankle the size of a giant softball? There really is nothing else to say about this one, other than please don't look at my knees, legs or feet. You might wonder if I borrowed my lower body parts from King Kong. Don't worry Greensboro, I promise not to climb on the downtown skyscrapers or crush your home. I can barely get my fat feet out of bed.
2-Why do I feel like I need diapers? How can it be humanly possible to pee so much? I'm really starting to wonder if Depends largest customer base is pregnant women.
3-Why is Harris Teeter the only store with "Expectant Mother" parking? Don't they know that as an expectant mother, I can't afford to shop or park there anyway? And why don't wholesale stores, like Costco, have "Expectant Mother" parking? They know I'm forced to shop there for the 900 baby wipes at the everyday low price of $19.99 anyway!!!
4-Why don't stores have special chairs for pregnant women? Infants get a special seat in the cart. The elderly and disabled get their own wheelchair/shopping cart. Pregnant women proceed to pant around the store until other patrons wonder if they are just that out of shape or going into labor. Rather than have my water break all over aisle 9, I would be content to drive and shop in one of your wheelchairs with a mommy-size shopping cart, b/c let's be honest, those little baskets aren't going to cut it.
5- Why do people (a.k.a. husbands and live-in sisters) think it's okay to use the pregnant woman as an excuse for their snack cravings? You can say that the brownies are for me as much as you want, but you're still the one eating them. And speaking of eating brownies, if you plan on eating them, you better eat them soon or they might really end up being for me. :)
6-What makes a classroom full of 30 teenagers think that just because I now am a mom, I'm their mom? Don't leave your trash on my floor, scissors on my desk or your homework in my room. I'm not your mom or your maid! Even if I was, I can't bend over to pick it up b/c we both know I might not be able to get back up! Come to think of it, that might be their goal.
7-What makes 16 year old boys think it's acceptable to rub a teacher's belly and yell out "That's my son!" while pointing at me in the hallway? Do you really think I can't kick your butt pregnant, because if anything the pregnancy hormones just make me crazier. I. Will. Take. You. Out.
8-Why does my baby only like to move at night when I want to sleep? Why does my husband like to instigate these movements by pressing on the baby over and over so that he or she keeps kicking back? It’s a revolving tennis match in there. Are they plotting against me already?
9-How can a body be so tired, yet unable to sleep? Don’t tell me it’s b/c I’m mentally awake. Trust me when I say there is nothing mentally awake about this pregnant woman, day or night.
10-Why do I think anybody else cares? Time for a brownie.
1- Why is my ankle the size of a giant softball? There really is nothing else to say about this one, other than please don't look at my knees, legs or feet. You might wonder if I borrowed my lower body parts from King Kong. Don't worry Greensboro, I promise not to climb on the downtown skyscrapers or crush your home. I can barely get my fat feet out of bed.
2-Why do I feel like I need diapers? How can it be humanly possible to pee so much? I'm really starting to wonder if Depends largest customer base is pregnant women.
3-Why is Harris Teeter the only store with "Expectant Mother" parking? Don't they know that as an expectant mother, I can't afford to shop or park there anyway? And why don't wholesale stores, like Costco, have "Expectant Mother" parking? They know I'm forced to shop there for the 900 baby wipes at the everyday low price of $19.99 anyway!!!
4-Why don't stores have special chairs for pregnant women? Infants get a special seat in the cart. The elderly and disabled get their own wheelchair/shopping cart. Pregnant women proceed to pant around the store until other patrons wonder if they are just that out of shape or going into labor. Rather than have my water break all over aisle 9, I would be content to drive and shop in one of your wheelchairs with a mommy-size shopping cart, b/c let's be honest, those little baskets aren't going to cut it.
5- Why do people (a.k.a. husbands and live-in sisters) think it's okay to use the pregnant woman as an excuse for their snack cravings? You can say that the brownies are for me as much as you want, but you're still the one eating them. And speaking of eating brownies, if you plan on eating them, you better eat them soon or they might really end up being for me. :)
6-What makes a classroom full of 30 teenagers think that just because I now am a mom, I'm their mom? Don't leave your trash on my floor, scissors on my desk or your homework in my room. I'm not your mom or your maid! Even if I was, I can't bend over to pick it up b/c we both know I might not be able to get back up! Come to think of it, that might be their goal.
7-What makes 16 year old boys think it's acceptable to rub a teacher's belly and yell out "That's my son!" while pointing at me in the hallway? Do you really think I can't kick your butt pregnant, because if anything the pregnancy hormones just make me crazier. I. Will. Take. You. Out.
8-Why does my baby only like to move at night when I want to sleep? Why does my husband like to instigate these movements by pressing on the baby over and over so that he or she keeps kicking back? It’s a revolving tennis match in there. Are they plotting against me already?
9-How can a body be so tired, yet unable to sleep? Don’t tell me it’s b/c I’m mentally awake. Trust me when I say there is nothing mentally awake about this pregnant woman, day or night.
10-Why do I think anybody else cares? Time for a brownie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)