3rd Trimester Trivia

Physical conditions of the third trimester have led me to ask many questions, like:

 1- Why is my ankle the size of a giant softball? There really is nothing else to say about this one, other than please don't look at my knees, legs or feet. You might wonder if I borrowed my lower body parts from King Kong. Don't worry Greensboro, I promise not to climb on the downtown skyscrapers or crush your home. I can barely get my fat feet out of bed.

 2-Why do I feel like I need diapers? How can it be humanly possible to pee so much? I'm really starting to wonder if Depends largest customer base is pregnant women.


3-Why is Harris Teeter the only store with "Expectant Mother" parking? Don't they know that as an expectant mother, I can't afford to shop or park there anyway? And why don't wholesale stores, like Costco, have "Expectant Mother" parking? They know I'm forced to shop there for the 900 baby wipes at the everyday low price of $19.99 anyway!!!


4-Why don't stores have special chairs for pregnant women? Infants get a special seat in the cart. The elderly and disabled get their own wheelchair/shopping cart. Pregnant women proceed to pant around the store until other patrons wonder if they are just that out of shape or going into labor. Rather than have my water break all over aisle 9, I would be content to drive and shop in one of your wheelchairs with a mommy-size shopping cart, b/c let's be honest, those little baskets aren't going to cut it.


5- Why do people (a.k.a. husbands and live-in sisters) think it's okay to use the pregnant woman as an excuse for their snack cravings? You can say that the brownies are for me as much as you want, but you're still the one eating them. And speaking of eating brownies, if you plan on eating them, you better eat them soon or they might really end up being for me. :)


6-What makes a classroom full of 30 teenagers think that just because I now am a mom, I'm their mom? Don't leave your trash on my floor, scissors on my desk or your homework in my room. I'm not your mom or your maid! Even if I was, I can't bend over to pick it up b/c we both know I might not be able to get back up! Come to think of it, that might be their goal.


7-What makes 16 year old boys think it's acceptable to rub a teacher's belly and yell out "That's my son!" while pointing at me in the hallway? Do you really think I can't kick your butt pregnant, because if anything the pregnancy hormones just make me crazier. I. Will. Take. You. Out.


8-Why does my baby only like to move at night when I want to sleep? Why does my husband like to instigate these movements by pressing on the baby over and over so that he or she keeps kicking back? It’s a revolving tennis match in there. Are they plotting against me already?


9-How can a body be so tired, yet unable to sleep? Don’t tell me it’s b/c I’m mentally awake. Trust me when I say there is nothing mentally awake about this pregnant woman, day or night.


10-Why do I think anybody else cares? Time for a brownie.