Aggh!! They've Invaded My Happy Place!!!

My favorite place on Earth is Target. REALLY, IT IS. Target is my "happy place." It's the place that I go to when I just want some "me time", the place I go when I am in search of the perfect pair of black pumps at the perfect low price, the place where all wonderful gifts can be found, the place where "orange-red" discount tags beckon me to draw near and it is even the place where I have successfully convinced my husband that BOTH the quality and price are better so all shopping trips are justified. :)

However, today was a day of disappointment for me at my local Target. I went in search of pens and as all good shopping trips entail, I made my usual "Tour de Target," where I browsed the wonderful dollar section, scanned the amazing clearance racks, tried on a few cute clothes, noted that the old is on its way out and anticipated the new fall arrivals. (By the way, I am in hunt of a cute purse so let me know if you find one ;)

And then it happened. As I redirected my tour in the direction of my original destination, I saw the signs. Ohhhhh, the dreaded signs.The signs that announced "Back to School Supplies This Way", with their bright, burning, orange & yellow "set me on fire now" colors.

I quickly glanced around and realized that amidst all of my wonderful clearance items were school uniforms, backpacks, lunchboxes, pens, pencils, planners, notebooks and a myriad of wonderful items that we teachers love for students to actually bring to school. The only problem is: it is JULY 9th!!! Yes, JULY 9th!!!So, WHY, I ask again, WHY must Target torture me? Do they really have to end my summer a month and half early with the ever present reminder that school will return?! I think not! I mean, is it really neccessary to start the school supply sale so early? Couldn't they at least wait until tax free weekend?

But alas, it has begun. I can just see the sneaky grins of parents who are hiding their secret joy at the idea of returning their crazy children over to us again. The visions of a resemblance of peace that must dance in their head. But as for me, I will very timidly enter stores from this day forward, knowing that around every corner lies a sign or a child calling me back to the endless chimes of "Mrs. Suprenant, Mrs. Suprenant, Mrs. Surprenant........."

Diggin' Through The Treasure Box

Recently I’ve been thinking about what I treasure. You know, what is really important to me. If you asked me on the street, I would say something like “God, my family and my friends.” But then I started thinking what if you didn’t ask me? What if you just followed me around and watched? What would you think I treasured? I came up with some scary, worthless and pathetic treasures.

You see, the first thing you would notice about my time is that I love to shop. I don’t really know why they say “diamonds are a girl’s best friend;” I think stores are. (I also think they are our parents/husbands/boyfriends worst enemy.) I am ashamed to admit this, but if you were to dig through my treasure box you would discover that I can be materialistic. I hate to admit that, but it’s pathetically true. You would find that I treasure shopping, decorating, throwing parties, owning cute things etc… You would find that I love online browsing, Pottery Barn catalogues that come directly to my door (thanks to the wonderful U.S. Postal Service), endless hours of window shopping and the occasional purchase of items that have caused my eyeballs to glaze over in worship. If you came back a few days later to see if I still enjoyed my newly purchased treasures, you would most likely find that the glitter has faded. So, what’s the problem? Did the item break or simply not coordinate well with the rest of my house/wardrobe/whatever?

The problem is that though none of these things are bad, in fact I love them, they should not be what I treasure. I should treasure the God who created me. I should worship Him the creator, not the beautiful things He has created. A scripture that I find most convicting in my life and also need great meditation over is Matthew 6:21 “where your treasure is, there will your heart be.” In this passage, Jesus is sharing that we should store up our treasures in heaven and not on Earthly things that moths, rust and thieves can destroy. As I dig through my treasure box, I find these words ring loudly true. You see, the items that I have falsely worshipped and brought home with me quickly grow dim and rust. Worse than the rusted treasure is the fact that I later question God on not giving me the “finer things in life” like my friends have. Not only do I worship my rusted junk, but I start comparing my rust with theirs. If I like their shade of rust better, I then start pouting like a two year old to God because it is so unfair that He gave them the flavor of lollipop I wanted. And I actually hope that God will respond to my temper tantrum and give me everything my ungrateful little heart wants.

The beauty of it all though is that God already has given me everything I need. He has sacrificed His greatest treasure, His own son, that I may have life and have it to the full. When I repent of my greed, selfishness and ungratefulness, he does not laugh in my face and send me away. Rather, he forgives and openly embraces me, the materialistic sinner. He is the God that I hope to find more and more of in my treasure box each day.

Relinquishment 101

"I have learned in my years on earth to hold everything loosely, because when I hold things tightly, God has to pry my fingers away. And that hurts. That hurts." ~ Corrie ten Boom

Relinquishment is something that I am unable to grasp. (Do you hear the irony in that statement?) I don't know how to let go. Like Corrie ten Boom, I hold things tightly and God often has to pry my fingers away. And she is right; the prying hurts.

So, what are my fingers and my heart so tightly clinging to? How about a family, a career, a home, traveling adventures and a myriad of other dreams? Though these things are not bad in themselves, in fact they are wonderful, I am consumed by them. I don't know how to relinquish them and the thought of not having any of them exactly like I envision can lead to worry, analysis, fear, panic and my personal favorite "a plan!" At this point, you might be thinking that these things are perfectly normal values and dreams. You might even be asking the questions: "What's the problem?" and"Why do you need to relinquish any of these things in the first place?

The problem is that which I refuse to let go of, is also that which I think has greater worth and value than God. You see, I have deluded myself into thinking that a house will keep me stable, an income will keep me safe and a husband will always keep me loved. The reality is that the very things I cling to for security are the things that keep me insecure. For example, the house that keeps me so stable is also the home that can lead to chaos any time a pipe busts or the dishwasher breaks. The career and income that make me feel secure and safe about my future also come with annual budget cuts. And, the husband that always makes me feel loved, also has the ability to break my heart and make me mad. The security nets that I cling to keep me awake at night because I am worried that they could fall out from underneath me at any moment and I NEED to have plan to keep my life in place!! Sound familiar?

If so, I hope it also sounds ridiculous, because it is! It is absolutely absurd that I place my hope and trust in tangible things that I spend more time worrying about than I do resting in!! So, why is it that I don't relinquish these things? Why is it that I cling so tightly? Though there are many plausible answers, I think the root issues are fear and trust. I am unable to relinquish because my fear is clinging to that which I am falsely trusting in. Rather than trusting in the God of grace, I trust in broken cisterns. I trust in the broken cistern to hold my life's supply of water and later wonder why it has all leaked out.

So, what is the solution? Simply put: Jesus. On my own I will never be secure or safe. I will always worry and always be afraid, but with Jesus I have hope because He covers my weaknesses and my failures. That's not to say life will be easy. It will be a long, slow journey, but that's okay because I have officially enrolled myself in relinquishment 101.