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Ode to My Partner

I have a dear, dear friend named Deb and this blog post is honor of her. I could not have asked for anyone more different than me, yet so perfect for me in a work partner. You see, Deb and I aren’t just colleagues. We’re partners. We’re like Sherlock and Watson. Where there’s trouble to be found, we find it. And as much as I would love to claim to be Sherlock Holmes (who wouldn’t?), I would probably have to be plain old boring Watson. She is the crazy one who gets us into trouble and I am the one she calls to get her out of it. :) I am so thankful for her, because she’s made my work days so much more enjoyable. She shares my passion for ESL students, can finish my thoughts and knows who I want to slap and why I want to slap them without me having to say more than their last name.  We have the same vision for our kids (students) and would both do anything for them. She goes above and beyond for our students, never settling just for teaching and grading. She has inspired me to think outside the box. I never would have planned a trip to Washington D.C. for thirty refugees who have no money, if she hadn’t told me we could do it. And she was right. Nothing stops her. She is a force to be reckoned with, which means you better hope you are on her side and not against her. :)  I am thankful to have her on my side. The only reason I can leave my classroom and my babies at EGHS is because I know she is there to take care of them. Well, by now this post is getting to serious and sappy for Deb, so I will move on.

The other things I love about her:


Her committment to dieting. Every week she’s on a diet and every morning she is eating her Hardees or Mickey D’s breakfast bowl.

Fat Free Fridays…..this should be an international holiday.

Her brownies. I typically hate chocolate frosting on brownies, but Deb makes amazing Funfetti chocolate frosted brownies that are to die for!

Her love for her kids (her real kids that is) and how she is ALWAYS talking about them. She’s an inspiring mama!

The quote “Don’t you just want to do that for me?” when someone gives her paperwork to fill out. :)

I’ll do all the paperwork she wants, because when a task requires having to piss someone off to get something done around the place, she does it for me. Good cop. Bad cop. It works with staff and students alike. :)

The fact that she shares with EVERYONE my embarrassing “partner” comment.

The fact that she follows it up with telling everyone WE got engaged in Boston and WE’RE having a baby!!!

Her humor (sometimes :).

The way the kids call her Miss Bole. And I always say… Bolesssssssssssssssss with an S!

Her generosity.

And last, but not least…her friendship.

Because she’s more than a colleague. She’s my partner!

The Newborn Diaries Chapter 7: The First 6 Weeks

I can’t believe it’s already been six weeks! These have been the longest, yet fastest days of my life. As I think back over the past 6 weeks, I am filled with gratitude, awe and the urge to shout from rooftops “I survived!” So, what have I learned?



I have learned that children are a great means to learn to “die to oneself” . The countless hours of no sleep, constant feeding, burping, diaper changing, holding and crying are enough to make one go crazy and sometimes a girl just wants 5 minutes to go to the bathroom without having a child scream the whole time! It’s in these moments, when I would really rather finish writing my blog post, that I realize just how selfish I am and how selfish Christ wasn’t. Christ never said “Hold on a minute God. I’ve got errands that I’m not finished running and friends I haven’t gotten to talk to in a while, so if you could just let me finish building that boat, then I will go love people.” Of all people, Jesus had the most reason to be selfish because he knew what was coming. He knew that he was literally sacrificing his life, dying on a cross, for people who spat on him and to this day deny him. My greatest sacrifice is a few hours of sleep and extended patience for the cutest, cuddliest thing ever. It pales in comparison to the sacrifice and love of Jesus Christ. So, I am learning to daily ask for grace and patience, borrowed from my Savior, that I might love and serve the precious little gift God has given me.


I have learned the value of community and gratitude. I have never been so grateful for community. I have been blessed to have amazing friends and family who have forsaken their time and their plans to come sit with me while I sob through my baby blues, hold my child so I can nap, bring me lunch so I can eat and even clean my house. I have never been so thankful for the church because they have really gathered around me to be the hands and feet of Jesus. They have done that which I cannot do, all the while telling me it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to rest and it’s okay to not have it all figured out. I have learned that the deepest gratitude goes beyond words.


I have learned (or rather just been strongly reminded) that God has blessed me with an amazing husband. He loves me and our little boy beyond description. He is a servant to us both regardless of his own exhaustion. He endured the crazy baby blues and the countless tears. During the gluten & dairy free phase he spent endless hours cooking and preparing “g & d free” meals for me. He doesn’t sleep through the nights while mom gets up every hour. Even in the breastfeeding stage, he would wake up and bring Eli to me. Now that we bottle-feed he has taken on the brave task of the night shift. He gets up with the little man any time he wakes up between midnight and 6 am so that I can sleep because he knows I have him the rest of the day. Even though our little man can frustrate him every 3AM, he still finds the little guy adorably cute the other 23 hours of the day. I am thankful for who he is and how he lives his life. I am constantly reminded that God is living and working in our lives and am thankful that my husband wants more than anything to know and love God more than he knows and loves me. I know that the only reason he loves me so well and can be so different from so many other men is because of the work Christ does in him.


I could go on for pages, but the most accurate synopsis of these six weeks is simple. I am truly blessed.

The Newborn Diaries Chapter 6: Breastfeeding Is Best, but Formula Isn't Fatal

Oh, the saga! To breastfeed or formula feed that is the question. Actually, it wasn’t originally. The original plan was to breastfeed because as everyone knows it’s better for your baby and it’s free, but then came the thrush and the death grip/latch of my child. When you get thrush within the first 48 hours of your child’ life, the breastfeeding experience is immediately a horrible one. You never really get to experience normal breastfeeding and your child never really gets to learn how to do it properly. His thrush causes him to eat every 45 minutes and when he has a death grip/latch that causes you to bleed there is inevitably trouble.




We tried and we tried hard. We endured the pain, took all of the antibiotics and applied special ointment; we even went on a gluten and dairy free diet. We cried every meal time (both of us). He screamed for more and more and I practically had an anxiety attack before and after every feeding. It was TERRIBLE. On top of it all, there is the guilt and pressure. The guilt because I really wanted to breastfeed my child, but now I don’t. Am I a terrible mother because I hate this experience? How horrific is it that I don’t want to be with or hold my baby because I am so terrified he will want to eat again? They say it’s a beautiful bonding experience, but this is not healthy bonding for me. So, then we tried pumping. It was such a relief physically and mentally for a few days. I could provide my child with breast milk and not live in constant agony, but then it took its toll. I was pumping every 2 hours and feeding him every 3. You do the math to figure out how exhausting that might be. Add to that math only pumping 2 ounces after a 45 minute pumping session, for a child who eats way more, and the numbers will tell you this isn’t going to work.


So, what do I do? The pressure is everywhere. Everyone I know breastfeeds, my doctor’s office has a live-in lactation consultant I have to face weekly, and every internet article on feeding assumes that I am breastfeeding. Even the formula cans condemn me with their “Experts Agree, Breastfeeding is Best” stickers! And you know what? Breastfeeding is best. Breastfeeding is proven to increase your child’s immunity and improve his health. It develops a healthier brain and can help prevent diseases like cancer later on in life. It helps restore a mother’s health as well and even lose that baby weight! But formula isn’t fatal. For my little guy and me, it’s been life-giving. I am now strictly formula feeding my little guy and we are getting along great! The first four weeks of his life he didn’t gain any weight. One week on formula and he did. I don’t dread feeding him and I’ve stopped having anxiety attacks about feeding him. He can eat as much as he wants and we finally bonded. Formula isn’t the ideal choice, but there is no sin or shame in formula feeding. Feeding my child is about providing him nourishment to grow and safe, secure protection in mommy’s arms. Judging by his sweet chubby cheeks and the smile on his face, we are doing just fine.

The Newborn Diaries Chapter 5: Rush Hour

When you finally do get to leave the house, you quickly learn that you only have a 2 hour window before the faucet starts leaking again. Even if the faucet isn’t leaking, you’ve still only got 2 hours before your little one is either leaking himself or wants to turn the faucet on for you. So, plan your outing wisely and if you’re smart you will leave ASAHS (as soon as he sleeps!)

The Newborn Diaries Chapter 4: Raise Your Glass

My friend Carrie calls her coffee “mommy crack.” My friend Deb drinks a glass of wine a night. Now, I know why. Here’s to survival!

The Newborn Diaries Chapter 3: Poop, Poop & More Poop

They say all babies do is eat, sleep and poop, but I’m amazed at what my little guy can do with all that poop! Just the other night we went out to dinner with my in-laws. My little man slept peacefully through the whole thing; it was wonderful! Then, I get home to find that he has pooped all the way through both the diaper and the onesie, leaving a lovely pile in his car seat for me to clean up (and yes, I do mean “pile”.) The worst part was that even after cleaning the car seat out, it still wreaked the next morning and we had to go to church like that! Two days later, the little man does it again! Only this time, he was sitting on my lap. And yes, you guessed it; he pooped all over my pants!  The next day, he was kind enough to lay off the poop, but decided to pee all over my jeans instead. I had just changed his diaper. I had just washed those jeans. But on the bright side, the talented little guy somehow managed not to get the diaper wet! I just don’t know how he does it!